Iqon's New Zealand Blog

Archive for 9 April 2010

Irrelevant update

by on 9 April 2010, under New Zealand

As my previous post probably insinuated I don’t really travel around a lot at the moment to “experience New Zealand”, when I have time to sit and watch a one year old Danish standup-show on a Friday night. It is of course because I don’t feel I need to rush to see a lot of stuff this semester (I apologize for using “a lot” twice and “stuff” at all – they are such vague terms – but it is late and I really don’t want to spend too much time formulating proper sentences). I was pretty efficient last semester. Obviously that doesn’t mean that there aren’t numerous other places I still want to see before I leave, and that is definitely also the plan. However, sometimes it is nice to just have a relaxing weekend at “home” instead of going on a 22 km hike across mountains, jump from planes from 15000 ft and celebrate the end of the week by cutting your foot on a surf trip. My wallet agrees. Øystein, Tor, Laura and Stefani will know that this is not a description of a set of random events but I didn’t join them for that trip so I really don’t have anymore to say about that.

The above does of course not mean that I will spend my entire semester in Auckland. Tomorrow I will leave for Samoa, one of the islands in The Pacific. It is placed in the middle of nowhere and I assume it just lies there, looking gorgeous with its tropical climate and nice beaches. It will be fun, although we still don’t have any idea about what we are going to see or do on the island during the seven days we are there. I’m sure we will figure something out, though. I also plan to do a couple of hikes before too long; the hiking boots I invested in last semester needs to be used again soon.

Now that there doesn’t happen too much exciting stuff I feel is worth telling about on the blog I might as well explain a bit about the project which I have gone to New Zealand to write (hm, even when I translate it it is an extremely bad sentence). Unfortunately I have chosen to finish this blog post just minutes before I have to go to bed in order to be “ready” (if that’s possible after less than five hours of sleep) for the Samoa trip. The story about my project will therefore have to wait for another time. That’s twice in a row I have posted a blog post without any pictures. I will make up for it next time, I assume. Anticlimatic endings” tag achieved once again.

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A single sentence

by on 3 April 2010, under Uncategorized

I have often complained that I write too long posts. This one is essentially a single sentence (however, it needs this introduction and an explanation afterwards) but some might still consider the post too long. The reason should become clear shortly. And now… the sentence:

“Even today I am bitterly annoyed that I have ever supported such a bunch of moccasin-wearing half-naked loincloth-wrapping face- and body-painted bison-grease-as-an-early-alternative-to-Dax-Wax-in-the-hair-rubbing-and-afterwards-with-eagle-feathers-decorating growth-of-beard-lacking hardly-photogenic fond-of-finery-not-to-say-androgynous-bordering-gayness the-outright-metro-sexuality-trend-foreseeing-Village-People-inspiring but also with some more masculine and warrior like sides and on that account tomahawk-wielding knife-throwing bow-thrusting fast-riding scalp-taking torture-practicing smoke-signal-up-sending “ug ug”-expressing stagecoach-robbing cavalry-slaughtering beaver-skin-for-firewater-trading rain-dancing cactus-eating peace-pipe-in-a-circle-around-the-bonfire-sucking painful-sun-dance-ritual-performing hooknosed and with the-hand-over-the-eyes-for-shade-far-out-in-the-horizon-scouting bear-hunting canoe-sailing paddle-paddling shoe-fucking tepee-slash-wigwam-inhabiting ill-fated-treaty-signing-and-henceforth-for-ever-at-a-reservation-placed Manitou-also-called-Wakan-Tanka-worshipping dream-catching soul-traveling horse-whispering wolf-dancing and by-and-large with the wild-animals-on-the-prairie close-communicating drum-playing and at-certain-special-ceremonies-around-ingeniously-carved-totem-poles-wildly-in-trance-dancing for twenty-four-dollars-and-a-bag-of-glass-beads-one’s-own-native-country-to-the-palefaces-away-giving once-at-the-Littlebig-Horn-River-winning-but-subsequently-tribe-for-tribe-via-the-Gatling-gun-greatly-eradicated flute-tooting mesacline-tripping spirit-conjuring gibberish-speaking and at-especially-stupid-occasions-with-even-more-special-and-stupid-bison-headgear-wearing even-today-with-rugged-but-dexterous-fingers-bird-feather-animal-bones-stupid-jewelry-with-sale-from-this-year’s-Roskilde-Festival-in-mind-producing and subsequently straight-away-for-the-profit-casino-buying sweat-lodge-frequenting pathfinding dart-throwing self-sufficient in-the-forrest-shitting and last but not least with the Greenlandic-Eskimos-about-sad-cultural-heritage-and-inclination-to-addiction-to-drinking-tightly-competing BASTARDS!”

That is, in fact, a single sentence. And now the explanation: I cannot take credit for that beautifully constructed sentence, unfortunately. Instead the credit should go to the Danish comedian Anders “Anden” (“The Duck”) Matthesen. He is basically the biggest genius in Danish show business, having created brilliant CD’s, radio shows, movies, stand-up shows etc. Everything he touches turns into gold, he always reinvents himself and come up with new approaches to entertaining people which have never been seen before. The sentence above proves that the man is brilliant. Not so much because of its content word-by-word – it is a fairly racist and complicated way to say “Native Americans” – but the fact that he actually manages to remember that one sentence and express it without a single pause is just mind-boggling. And he is not racist – the sentence is taken out of context from a joke which goes far deeper. Even though everything he does is hysterically funny he always manages to also have a morale behind his shows which is also impressive.

And that is what happens when I have a quiet Friday night where I watch a bit of standup. I don’t want to know how long I spent writing that sentence down (in Danish) and just to translate it afterwards.

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